you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
