Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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