he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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