God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
