nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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