im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
