Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
