dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Randomize
