I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
