So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
