Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
