I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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