It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
are you so shy because you have an std?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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