i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
