someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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