Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
