Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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