I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
