ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
