Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
