and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
did you just send me my own nude
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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