covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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