I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
