Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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