I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Farmville is her only friend.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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