GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
