I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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