you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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