You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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