he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
