Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I will pee on everything he values.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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