I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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