Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
