well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
she smelled like a LAN party
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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