I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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