Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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