It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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