and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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