Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
pray to the hookup gods
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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