I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
