It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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