Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
