I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
