You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
