Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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