i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
