We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
