Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
