He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
