im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
