also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
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