as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
