life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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