they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
