I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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